Mommy Influencers: Abuse and Exploitation of Children for Clicks
Frankly, I don’t think kids should be in front of the camera
Parenting is a really tough gig. Raising kids is not easy; they’re wild chaos gremlins who love sugar and drawing on walls.
I don’t have any of my own, but I do have nieces and a nephew. Love those kids, but the little ones do not sit still. Naturally, I’m part of the problem there; I bring chocolate when I visit.
I’m their aunt. It’s in my job description.
With the feral beasties running around the house causing wholesome mayhem, it’s no wonder that parents are desperate for help. Any tidbit or tip, any information on how to tame the willful jungle of toys and discarded snacks that their homes have become.
Some turn to their friends who had kids first, looking for support and a shoulder to cry on. Some find parenting books written by experts, seeking the holy grail of how to get toddlers to stop smearing jam all over their faces.
Some turn to so-called mommy bloggers in the hopes of learning how they keep their houses so neat and presentable. And that’s where they can run into trouble.
Looking to influencers to solve your problems can create a toxic mess all of its own.
Have you ever wondered how some mommy influencers keep their houses so damn spotless? It’s to the point where some of them look more like staged homes for sale rather than a place where people actually live.
All the furniture is in place, the floors are clean of toys, and the kid’s room is as tidy as an unused guest room. I mean, I live in a house with four adults and a dog, and we barely manage to keep house to this degree.
There’s always something that needs scrubbing, and dusting the ceiling corners costs a game of rock paper scissors. Nobody has the time or energy for a daily top-to-bottom cleaning crusade, even if they don’t have kids.
But when it comes to content creators and influencers, you have to keep in mind that appearances are everything.
Their income is literally based on selling you the idea that they have all the answers and that they can solve all of your problems. If their homes were a wreck and their kids were running absolutely hog-wild, that illusion would be entirely broken.
And believe me; unless they’re shelling out cash for a housekeeper, it’s an illusion.
I’m going to blow your mind right now with a peek behind the curtain; Instagram influencers don’t take spontaneous pictures. I’m sorry if that’s hard to hear. They’re not snapping spur-of-the-moment images; they’re staging photo shoots and taking dozens at a time.
Those suckers are set up to post themselves at pre-arranged times through the week, and they’re edited to perfection before anybody sees them.
All those little snapshots of their perfect effortless lives are nothing more than an advertising campaign. Take everything with a gigantic heap of salt.
So, that’s the first secret. Mommy influencers that try to sell you the secrets to a perfectly spotless house had best be giving you a list of house cleaning services.
They are not doing all of this themselves, any more than your average ‘trad wife’ influencer does.
The problem with basing your income on the illusion of a perfect home and family is that there isn’t any such thing.
In real life, kids are loud, they’re messy and they don’t feel the need to sit still for mom and dad to take pictures for hours.
Kids don’t behave perfectly because they’re living, growing critters with curious minds. They don’t thrive in sterile environments; they need freedom and space and things to investigate.
They need boundaries, yes, but they also need to push them. Otherwise, they don’t ever learn to step out of their comfort zones.
Especially when children are little, and their brains are still heavily geared towards processing and learning: they need stimulation, colours, and play to develop properly.
Healthy kids are little tornados, exploring their world with wonder and joy. So when I see spotless kid’s rooms full of toys on shelves, beige walls, and no mess… I wonder what the child’s life is like off camera.
What happens when the little one makes a mess, as they tend to do? What if they have an explosive burst of emotion that disrupts the perfect life the family is supposed to have?
If they get frustrated and refuse to put on a show for the camera, what happens to the family’s workday?
Good parents will handle it gracefully, recognizing that kids are kids and you can’t control their behavior completely. A big part of childhood is learning boundaries and how far they can be pushed, and depending on their age, they may not know how to self-regulate their reactions yet.
You actually have to teach them how to do that as they grow. It doesn’t happen on its own.
Parents have to be able to handle that, and not take it personally when the kids act out. Take a break, put the little ’un down for a nap, and clean up. Try again another day, maybe.
But not all of these influencers are good parents. Some of them have been exposed to be downright monstrous.
You can’t raise your children in a workspace.
They are not your coworkers, and the home they grow up in is not their office. Their childhood is not a modeling career. They are tiny, living people with lives and wants and needs of their own.
They are not products.
This is a message that many mommy vloggers have sadly failed to grasp. They turned their children into a money-making opportunity, and they quit the job of raising their kids to start a career in play-acting for an audience.
Predictably, this approach carries disastrous consequences. Word of warning; the next part contains some descriptions of child abuse. If you’re not up for reading it, I’d encourage you to skip the section.
Take for example the case of Ruby Franke, a popular content creator and mommy influencer. With her business associate and life-coach collaborator, Ruby built quite a following of around 2.3 million regular viewers.
She and her associate, Jodi Hildebrandt, are now in prison for aggravated child abuse. Ruby was reported by several followers who were able to recognize the harsh and cruel punishments they used as forms of abuse.
When one of the children escaped through a window, heavily malnourished, injured, and bound with duct tape, it became difficult for the authorities to brush the matter away.
That’s one extreme case. Certainly, one case isn’t enough to declare a pattern. But there’s a much more insidious, much more mundane form of abuse that nearly all of these influencer parents commit constantly.
From birth to adulthood, their children’s private and personal lives are filmed and broadcast for all the world to see. They have no privacy whatsoever.
The term for this is ‘sharenting’, and it is a wretched thing to do to a child you are supposed to be protecting from harm.
The thing about kids is that they don’t control anything about their lives.
Their parents have total power over them. The food they’re given, the medical care they get, the form of schooling they receive, what they watch and read, and what they wear. Kids don’t get to make decisions very often.
Imagine being in the position of having all of your power and autonomy stripped away, and then having someone make a buck by sharing your pictures for clicks.
Pictures you didn’t consent to sharing with anybody, videos you never got the chance to refuse. They’re on the internet, available to the public.
Some of these mommy vloggers and parenting influencers go so far as to post literal videos of their children being born. Five hours old, and mom’s already posting staged videos of the two of you ‘bonding’ on camera?
From the very instant they come into the world and take their first breath, they’re already being turned into content. They begin life as a commodity. The very definition of exploitation.
Imagine your first day going into middle school — which is already stressful enough for your average kid — knowing that somewhere, there are a few hundred videos of you in highly private, embarrassing moments that your parents posted to YouTube.
Every traumatic moment, every prank, every happy experience of your life? Those things do not belong to you. They are moments your parents captured on film and posted for their fans to watch.
Your birthday isn’t a day to celebrate you, it’s a day to go all out with the decorations and pose for the camera so your mom can get a few dozen pictures for Instagram.
These kids are growing up in a world where any random stranger can see inside their bedrooms and watch them while they play.
Nothing in their life is theirs. Not even the safety of anonymity.
Now, not all mommy influencers are bad. Parents need some way to learn how to do things, and people sharing their experiences can help take a lot of the pressure off.
Moms and dads sharing their experiences, their fears, and how they handle issues can be a valuable resource for new parents.
But there’s a difference between talking about your own life experience as a parent and using your children as objects to draw views.
One is helpful and healthy, and the other has serious ethical problems.
In my opinion, children shouldn’t be on camera. Kids deserve the chance to learn, make mistakes, and go through life without an audience. They shouldn’t have to grow up knowing that every little thing they do is going to be scrutinized and picked apart by adults they don’t even know.
I wouldn’t like to live my entire life being judged by millions, a celebrity before I could even walk. I’m sure I’m not alone in that.
Content creators choose that life for themselves, fully understanding and accepting what it means.
Kids don’t get that choice. Let them grow up and decide for themselves.
Solidarity wins.