Stop Shoving Your Straightness Down My Throat!
Oh, you don’t think you are? Neither are we!
Hey, straight people. Can you stop shoving your sexuality down our throats?
You’re out there with your opposite sex partners, holding hands, kissing in public and making a real big show out of it. You’re everywhere. You’ll take any opportunity to mention your spouse or your date, even if nobody asked.
Seriously, keep that in the bedroom! I don’t have a problem with it, but why do you have to shove it in my face like that? I don’t need to know about your sexuality, why do you keep making it your entire personality?
I can’t watch a movie or a show or listen to a song these days without hearing about a love affair between a man and a woman, or watching a romance tailored specifically for heterosexual people.
It’s nobody’s business, why do you need to make sure everybody knows about it?
Can’t you just keep it to yourselves?
Now, obviously all of the above is just a bit of tongue in cheek teasing. But seriously, for those of us who aren’t straight… these are the kinds of things we hear all the time.
If you have a partner of the same sex, whether you be two men or two women, or more if you’re polyamorous, somebody somewhere will accuse you of ‘shoving it down their throats’ even if all you’re doing is daring to hold hands in public.
And that’s just cis people. Being gender-queer on top of it is just the cherry on top of the harassment sundae.
Being LGBTQ+, you might as well be wearing a ‘kick me’ sign on your back.
But heterosexual, cisgender couples? You guys can be full-on making out in public and nobody would say a word about your sexuality, except maybe to be prudish about the display.
Straight and cis is the default.
Simply existing as anything else is considered to be a big deal.
I actually got that comment from a relative at one point.
They said that I was making too big a deal out of being asexual, and they didn’t understand why I considered it to be a part of my identity. They didn’t feel like their sexual orientation was anyone’s business and not part of their core identity at all.
They didn’t understand why LGBTQ+ people feel the need to be so out there and open about our sexuality or lack thereof. When I countered that heterosexuality is shoved in my face literally every day, including within my own family home, they stared at me blankly.
We had this conversation not five minutes after they thoughtlessly walked into the room and kissed their spouse full on the lips as a greeting right in front of me.
They couldn’t grasp the irony of their own statement.
To be clear, it doesn’t bother me. I’m happily married. I’m not shy about showing my husband affection. But it didn’t even occur to them that they were displaying their sexuality, openly and obviously, without thinking twice.
Of course it didn’t occur to them; being in a straight relationship is the default. It’s not outside of the norm. Flirting and being intimate with your lover is not remarkable in any way if you’re straight.
Seriously, think about it. Think about how many commercials have a heterosexual couple front and center.
How many shows and movies center on a relationship between a man and a woman? How many of them have scenes of intimacy, making out, even having sex? How many of those scenes are considered unusual or controversial?
How often is heterosexual sexuality used as a sales tactic?
Just walking through the shopping mall near my house, I’m confronted with posters of lingerie models, carefully posed and lit to be alluring. Mostly naked men and women, set side by side in shop windows.
How many jewellry store advertisements market themselves with a man on one knee, holding a ring box while he looks adoringly up at a blushing lady in a dress?
How many condom commercials have you seen that feature two men giggling in a pharmacy aisle while they look through the options? Viagra commercials with a gay couple?
I can’t think of any.
But I’ve seen plenty where a man and a woman are blushing at the cashier with their purchases, and I’ll bet you don’t even blink when you see them.
As an asexual person, I can’t take two steps outside of my house without a metaphorical megaphone being shoved against my ear, screaming a reminder that straight sexuality is vitally important to everybody.
But LGBTQ+ people are the ones being loud about it?
Gay people kissing while they’re on a date are not shoving their sexuality down your throat. They aren’t putting on a show for you, any more than you kissing your partner is a show for anybody else.
Acknowledging that not all relationships have to be between straight people on the silver screen is not ‘the gay agenda.’
Being in love and showing affection for your partner is just that. Nothing more, and nothing less than that.
There are far more important things to worry about in this life than what other people’s relationships look like. You’re not the Morality Police, it’s not your job to burst in and force couples to stop holding hands.
Of course, for some people, the idea that LGBTQ+ relationships are about romantic love and affection is confusing. Some people think they’re purely about sex, with no true connection.
This is the same attitude that leads to books about LGBTQ+ people being deemed ‘pornographic,’ even when there’s nothing explicit in the content. To some people, a teenage boy and girl in a relationship is romantic, but two boys holding hands is somehow obscene.
It’s a frustrating attitude to try and combat, because it’s so ingrained in a lot of people’s heads. Being straight has been considered the default for so long that some people just can’t wrap their minds around anything else.
LGBTQ+ people exist, and we’re normal human beings just like you. Many of us fall in love, some of us are sexual beings who enjoy the dating scene, and we shouldn’t have to feel shame about that.
Not when there are lingerie models at the mall.
Seriously, guys, kids go to the mall! They don’t need to see some guy’s barely concealed bulge at eye level, or a close-up of a woman’s torso in a bra and scanty panties! And they accuse the gay community of exposing kids to sexuality.
We’re not trying to make anyone uncomfortable. We’re trying to make ourselves comfortable, by being open and honest about who we are, and who we love.
We’re just trying to enjoy the same affection, love and authenticity that you get to have with your own relationships. We’re nowhere near as loud about it as the rest of you are, you’re just used to your own noise.
We only catch your attention because we’re singing in a different key.
I’m not hating on straight people, I’m only asking you to try and see things from another perspective. Because for most of my life, the only thing I heard was that I was weird for not being just like you.
I know I’m not the only one who got that message. And it really sucks.
Solidarity wins.
Very well said Sam.