I could use a lot of words to describe myself.
I like to think I’m fairly smart. I’m snarky. I’m sarcastic. I’m caught at the halfway mark between optimistic and cynical, and I value empathy and connection more than competition and ambition.
I’m sometimes cheerful, sometimes irritable, and sometimes sad. I can be introverted and quiet, or I can be the loudest person in the room when I’m angry enough to override my instinctive desire to hide from attention.
I’m a gamer, a reader, a gardener and a lover of all things knitted and crocheted. I’m creative and expressive in my words and artistic shenanigans.
I’m tired. Very, very tired.
Yes, there are a lot of words I could use to describe myself.
One of those words, funnily enough, is ‘Autistic.’
I was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder on my 15th birthday. A psychiatrist, therapist and neurologist all agreed, and I went through a program that taught me how to mask my more obvious social impairments and appear as ‘normal’ as possible.
That was the done thing when I was younger. I have some feelings about that now, but that’s for another article on another day.
The point is, I often get mistaken for neurotypical because of how well I mask in a face-to-face conversation.
Still, for anyone who knows about autism, the signs are there. I have serious sensory processing issues, I have some mild issues with motor skills like handwriting—I have trouble making my limbs do what I want, especially when distracted.
I’ve often been described as clumsy.
I have absolutely walked face first into the corner of a doorframe instead of turning at the right moment to walk through the door. I have had some truly epic wipe-out falls, too. My partner finds it hilarious—after he makes sure I’m not hurt, of course!
I get migraines under certain lights, I can go into sensory overload in crowded spaces with a lot of noise, and I detest stiff fabric and thick seams in my clothing.
Learning to make eye contact and control my vocal inflection was a pain in the ass, and it took a lot of work. I struggle mightily with chronic insomnia, and I likely always will.
I go through random bursts of obsession and hyperfixation that I can’t control, and my brain is a sponge for trivia, so I’m full of random anecdotes and facts on a thousand unrelated topics.
I am, quite simply, autistic as fuck.
So when I heard RFK Jr. was back on his ‘ship the undesirables off to the farms’ bullshit again, and found out his new target, I felt a chill run down my spine.
This time, the worm-addled psycho has people like me in his sights.
Ableism is alive and well in our modern world. Living in Canada I come across it often enough to no longer be shocked, but the shit I’ve heard come out of people’s mouths or seen in their social media posts is outrageous.
So when RFK Jr. opened his mouth and went off on a tangent about how autistic people are nothing but a burden on society, describing us as kids who will ‘never pay taxes’, or ‘never go on dates’, ‘never play baseball’ or even ‘write poetry’, I wasn’t surprised.
Talking about how we destroy families via the crime of being born didn’t shake me. His comment about how we’ll ‘never be able to use a toilet unassisted’ didn’t faze me.
I’ve heard all of it before.
I was fucking furious, but I wasn’t shocked. All of these things are common stereotypes that we have to contend with.
I’m used to people just opening their mouths and spewing bullshit unthinkingly. But when you’re the head of the Health and Human Services department of the U.S. government, this level of ignorance is inexcusable.
The fact that he’s out here talking about ‘finding the cause of autism’ as if we don’t already know—spoiler alert, it’s mostly genetic, and it develops in the womb—and about putting together a compilation of private medical data is alarming.
When someone starts talking about making lists of people who have a genetic disorder, and about how people who have that disorder are a burden on society that don’t contribute anything, the air raid sirens start ringing in my ears.
Once again, as I have said so often since Trump got back into power, we have heard this story before. Last time, it did not end well for people like me.
In case anyone might be curious, as an autistic adult I do in fact pay taxes. I have gone on dates—I’m getting married, so that’s a given. I have played baseball, I have a college education and run my own business, and I’m very capable of holding down a job.
I’m even capable of writing poetry and using a toilet without help. What a shock!
I didn’t even destroy my family. Nor did my cousin who is also on the spectrum.
I’m just a regular ass human being who has some neurological symptoms that I cope with as best I can. Nothing more mysterious or sinister than that.
RFK Jr. has been on this road before, specifically when he talked about the ‘health farms’ he wants to build. He spoke of taking people with mental health concerns like substance addictions and putting them in ‘wellness farms’ to ‘fix’ them.
He said the same about people struggling with ADHD, depression and anxiety. He characterized needed SSRIs and prescription medications as addictive, and even suggested that anti-depressants might increase aggression and cause school shootings.
He wants people to come off of their medications and just work on the farm until they get ‘better.’
Y’know, because addiction and mental illness are obviously caused by a lack of digging in the soil and harvesting lettuce. Not the medically-diagnosed illnessess that we know them to be, with recognized and effective medical treatments.
Treating medical issues with medicine? Come on now, that’s just silly! What these people really need is to be taken out to a rural location, far away from prying eyes, and put to work to produce food for normal people.
Doesn’t sound great when you say it like that, does it?
With these past statements and loose plans circling RFK’s head, I’m especially skeptical of any focus being placed on any particular marginalized group.
This whole ‘Make America Healthy Again’ scheme smacks of eugenics propaganda in my books.
And I am not the only one saying it, either. The fact that RFK Jr. seems to be targeting high-needs autistic people and ignoring those of us who need minimal support is incredibly dangerous and stigmatizing.
The fact is, autistic people are not a monolith. We are not all alike, and we all have different symptoms, different needs and different presentations. If you’ve met an autistic person, you have met one autistic person.
That does not qualify you to talk about all of us as if you know anything about our lives.
Furthermore, his characterization of high-needs autistic people as a burden to society and to their own families speaks to his opinion about the value of human life.
We aren’t valuable just by dint of being living, breathing human beings.
In his eyes, we’re only worth something if we work and don’t need help.
Like it or not, disabled people of all stripes exist.
We’re all unique individuals with unique challenges, strengths and talents. Some of us need more support than others to thrive, but we’re all people with just as much worth as any other.
We are not burdens on society that destroy families by existing.
You can’t separate me from my autism. It’s not a disease that can be cured, it’s just part of who I am. It causes me some problems, but it also gave me some serious super powers.
My grandfather wants me to go on Jeopardy. He thinks I’d crush it.
Now, at the moment I’m safe. I don’t live in the United States, and I do not intend to set foot on U.S. soil any time soon—preferably not until Trump and his cronies are long gone and the country is back to some semblance of sanity.
But just because I’m not personally impacted by this rhetoric doesn’t mean I’m not horrified by it.
This is the kind of rhetoric that led to the Judge Rotenberg Centre—a place that still exists, a place that tortures disabled kids with electric shocks like abused dogs.
Not electric shock therapy, mind you. Shock collars. Literal shock collars.
This place has been investigated by the United Nations for their use of actual torture on the patients housed there. It remains open anyway. In other schools, restraints and isolation are often used for disabled kids who act out.
Kids develop trauma. They get seriously injured. Children die.
But they’re disabled kids, so there is no public outcry. Our lives are not valued enough.
The bullshit stereotypes RFK Jr. is spreading to the masses is a big part of the reason why.
Now, it’s not wholly his fault. This attitude of disdain and neglect towards disabled people—whether they be on the spectrum like me, or in a wheelchair or any other kind of disability— pre-dates RFK Jr. and Trump by centuries.
But we have, as a diverse and eclectic community, been fighting for change our entire lives. We’ve been fighting to be seen as equals, just as valuable and wonderful as any other person.
RFK Jr’s appointment as head of HHS and his subsequent actions against us shows that we have a long, long way to go before this battle is won.
I sincerely hope that we don’t have to watch history repeat itself before the end.
Solidarity wins.
Thank you for this post. As an adult on the spectrum, the horror of RFK Jr in a position responsible for public health is scary. I am standing up and speaking out for all of us, and spreading news of his fascist, eugenic ideas to everyone I know.
I would like to share this post with people off of Substack, with your permission, of course.
Jesus Christ on a pogo stick. I hadn't even heard about the toilet comment. So ridiculous and infuriating.
I've been on SSRIs for anxiety and depression for 30 years, and without them, I wouldn't be alive. I can honestly say I've never wanted to shoot a gun at anybody, much less commit a mass shooting. Brain Worm Bobby's idea to have us work on a farm is insulting. Ironically, as a medical editor who knows at least a little about medicine, I'm more qualified for his job than he is--but because I'm on Zoloft, he thinks I'm dangerous and belong on a work farm. Never mind that I'm almost 50 and have chronic back and knee issues and a special talent for killing plants.
Both of my nephews are autistic, so his attacks on autistic people feel personal to me, too.
My ancestors didn't fight in the Revolutionary War for our country to become a dictatorship. I've been pushing back against this regime with every tool I have, and I won't rest until I'm dead.