I have returned from my little getaway with my spouse. He has returned to the U.S. from Canada to his home in New England, and I’m relieved to say his trip back was uneventful and easy.
He’s safe and resting before going back to work.
We spent the week book shopping, seeing movies, watching Glee — problematic shenanigans, trainwreck actors and all — and enjoying the local scenery and restaurants.
We celebrated our first anniversary, we thawed the frozen cake we saved from the wedding and experimented making simple syrup to liven up the dry crumb again. The results were mixed, but the lemon curd remained delicious.
Lemon and pumpkin spice is a surprisingly good blend. Our baker was a genius.
We hit the highlights from our relationship to date, enjoying our favourite sushi together — we announced or engagement at one sushi restaurant, and even signed our legal wedding papers at another. It’s one meal we can always agree on.
On the night of our anniversary, we had dinner at the hotel where we hosted our wedding reception.
The food was expensive, but great. Well worth it. I even tricked him into letting me pay for it. He insisted he cover for the next two dinners, which I graciously allowed. We teased each other about it for the rest of the trip.
We even spent the day watching all of the Twilight movies in one glorious, awful, highly entertaining binge. He’d never seen them. I got to laugh my ass off at his horrified, amused expression.
While he was here, we finally saw some movement on our immigration application, which is a huge relief to both of us.
First, he was asked to provide his biometrics, and our lawyers gave us the information on how to get that done — he was able to go to a Canadian office and got the necessary stamps to prove it.
While there, we found out that the new passports put out by the U.S. government don’t play nicely with Canadian systems and his documents couldn’t be scanned.
Thankfully it was a known issue and they took his information manually instead, but it was a scary moment, and it brought home how the American government is really fucking with the ability of their citizens to move around.
Scary thought.
A few days after, we got the news that I have officially been approved as a sponsor. I am legally eligable to sponsor a spouse and so now, we can move forward. At this point, it’s just his medical check and then waiting for the government to process and approve his Permenant Residence status.
We’re several long steps closer to my husband and I sharing a home together instead of making do with long distance.
Going through this process has really brought home the difficulties faced by immigrants the world over. Especially here. Those people who think that Canada has wide open borders and getting in is easy, I fucking wish it was. Holy heck, this process is long and painful!
Getting in ‘the right way’ is not an easy or cheap or simple process, and it’s difficult to maintain patience even when you’re relatively safe.
For migrants who are fleeing war or famine or violence or climate catastrophes at home, the process of immigration ‘the right way’ is fucking insane.
I can’t imagine going through all of this while struggling to survive at the border of an actively hostile country, all the while terrified of being sent home to be killed or die of disease or starvation or struggle in severe poverty with no hope of relief.
Not to mention the expense. It’s bloody expensive even without the lawyers we hired, and that’s with a generally favourable exchange rate. A person fleeing for their life with nothing but the clothes on their backs and a child in their arms just doesn’t have the money to pay even the basic fees.
Nevermind being able to fill out all of the documents and provide proof of financial stability or a verifiable work history or anything like that. It’s all well and good if you can do all that, but if a person has a gun at their back and salvation ten steps away, do you really think they’re going to wait to fill out paperwork?
Is it reasonable to expect that? With a hungry, frightened child in your arms? Looking at the person you love, or just fearing for your own individual life? You counting change and picking up a pen, or are you running like hell and praying to find an opening you can pass through without getting shot?
Are you waiting, or are you jumping in with a visa, finding work and hoping you slip under the radar rather than risk getting sent home by immigration officials at a check in?
Seeing the situation in the U.S. and how brutally the government is cracking down on desperate, fearful people who haven’t done anything worse than a civil infraction is heartbreaking.
And I’m serious about that, by the way. Illegally staying in the U.S. past your visa’s expiry or entering the border without documentation is not even a fucking criminal offense, per the U.S. legal system. It’s not something that would go into criminal court, and doesn’t typically include jail time as a possible consequence.
Legally speaking, it’s more on the level of a driving violation, rather than a violent crime like murder. Yes there are consequences, but it certainly doesn’t warrant concentration camps, abuse and death.
Then there’s the racism and the stereotyping. The social stigma and shame.
When people think of immigrants, even here in Canada a lot of people assume you’re talking about visible ethnic minorities. They’re assuming someone came over from the Middle East, South America, India, maybe Ukraine. They picture foreign accents and severe cultural differences.
They assume immigrants are easy to spot at a glance. They’re different.
My spouse, however, looks and sounds and behaves very much like any other white Canadian. He will be an immigrant all the same. He will have cultural differences, he will need to learn how our laws and expectations differ from the ones he was raised with.
But he will be treated very differently because, at a glance, he looks like what the racists assume ‘real Canadians’ look like. So his experience with being an immigrant is going to be much easier than others.
That’s not fair. And it sucks. And neither of us likes it.
No matter where someone is born or what language they grew up speaking, no matter their religion or their cultural traditions or any other intrinsic part of their identity, they are human beings.
And human beings deserve basic human dignity.
My spouse will be an immigrant. He will likely be treated kindly for presenting the image of a cisgender, white, able-bodied straight male. He will be given the benefit of every doubt by everyone who passes him on the street — except, of course, for a little ribbing because he was born in the States.
Canadians are a little mad at Americans right now.
But immigrant or no, he will be treated respectfully because of how he looks and how many sheets of paper he signed, how much money we were able to put on the table and how easily he can take time off work to travel and present himself to the government of my country for inspection.
He will be treated respectfully because his life is not in danger, and he could afford the time and money to wait for months on end without risk of death or worse.
The people who don’t have the money or the time for that will be hated. Treated like shit. Talked about like vermin just for the desperate hope of a better life across a made-up line on a map.
They get blamed for everything going wrong, as if they’re not exploited and mistreated for cheap labour and tossed aside to struggle when they aren’t needed anymore. As if they don’t contribute an astronomical amount to taxes and take little in return. The U.S. in its current form is highly dependent on them just to make ends meet.
Then they turn around and send ICE into the streets like Gestapo thugs.
I hate that. It’s disgusting. A human being is a human being, and we are all worthy of compassion. Respect, dignity, the essential recognition that when push comes to shove we will all fight for better lives, even when others don’t think we should.
I hope, in time, we can all grow up and take that message to heart.
Solidarity wins.
This is a very important piece. I think it should be read by everyone. You paint an important picture. Also... congratulations!