Empathy is a Muscle
And you can choose to exercise it if you want.
How many people do you care about?
Truly care about, I mean. You want to know how they’re doing, you’re interested in their lives, and you want to help them when they need it. You’re willing to sacrifice your time and energy to be there for them when they need you, and you genuinely enjoy the hours you whittle away with them.
How many people?
For most of us, it’s probably not all that many. Humans are social creatures, and we tend to form close-knit communities with a small group of staunch friends and family members. The less time we spend with a person, the less we know about them, the less we tend to care.
Oh, you might want the best for the people around you, but you might not go out of your way for a stranger. We tend to empathize most strongly with the people closest to our hearts.
This is not so much a critique as an observation. It only becomes a problem when your lack of care turns into apathy, which in turn can devolve into callousness.
See, empathy is a practiced skill. The more you use it, the stronger and easier to employ it becomes; just like a muscle in your body. You build it up, you can lift more weight.
You can carry the world on your shoulders, although I wouldn’t recommend it.
But while a muscle can be built up and become stronger, it can also atrophy. If you allow yourself to close off, push people away and shut your heart in a box, you become rusty. You stop practicing that empathetic skill, and you lose it.
You can see that apathy at work as we speak. Just look at the people in power, the ones making decisions that impact millions of lives.
It’s easy to do that if you don’t have empathy for people. It’s easy to cast them aside, cause them immeasurable pain and sleep well at night, just so long as you let that muscle waste away.
You isolate yourself away from the wider world and focus your care only on a select few.
If you never bother with heavy lifting, you’re not going to get very strong. You can only go so far by doing the bare minimum. You can smile and pretend, even make a good impression, but on the inside, you’ve withered.
It shows in the choices you make.
This is a lesson the rest of us can learn from. I, for one, have no interest in being a callous power-hungry ghoul. I’d rather put the work in to keep myself in tip-top shape.
Y’know—figuratively speaking. I’d rather put my feet up and eat a Nanaimo Bar than go back to the gym.
So, how do you build your empathy muscle?
Like any exercise, it takes hard work. There’s no quick fix, no instant mashed potatoes. It takes consistent and intentional effort.
You have to take the time to hear people out; listen to what they have to say, and try to understand where they’re coming from. Hear their hurts, recognize their pain, and imagine how you would feel if you were going through the same thing.
Once you’ve recognized their pain, think of what you can do to help. If they haven’t told you what they need, try asking. Depending on the situation, it could be anything from a hug to a hot meal.
And this is the important part; follow through. Help people. Find people that need help, and get to work. A good place to start is volunteering, if you can. Find the people who are at rock bottom and find out exactly what it’s like to be there.
Then, spread the word. Share your story, encourage others to join you, and get to work on making life a little bit better for the people around you.
If you can do something, even one tiny, seemingly insignificant thing every day, you’re on the right track.
When you’re trying to get stronger, you always start small, and you meet yourself where you’re at. You can tackle the big things later.
Start with your own neighbourhood. Build up from there.
Eventually, you’ll be strong enough to carry the whole world on your shoulders.
Though…I’d suggest you don’t try it alone.
Solidarity wins.
Even those of us who feel like we have an abundance of empathy need reminders to exercise it now and again. I know I get lazy.