Being Sick is the Worst
Forcing yourself to rest is also the worst
This cold is lingering. Thankfully, I’m past the point of constant sneezing and runny nose — masking up at work when you’re on your feet all day is a pain, but necessary all the same.
I don’t want to pass this damn thing along. Seeing the symptoms start to ease is a good sign that the masking bit may be over soon.
Today, I’m stuffed up, hoarse and cranky, but I am blessed with a day off. Tomorrow, the rest of my workweek begins, and I’ll be in the pharmacy until Friday.
At least on Saturday, my spouse arrives for his week-long visit. I’ll be working a few short shifts during that week, but my boss graciously arranged to give me as many days off as possible, and four-hour shifts on the days I work.
She’s a sweetheart that way. She asked if I had wanted to mark a few days off, but I declined. We’re shorthanded due to several health emergencies, and I didn’t want to screw anyone over. At least this way I’m still doing my part.
But that’s for next week. Today, I’m supposed to be having a day off. Resting. Relaxing and recuperating from this fricken illness.
Most colds like this last around a week to ten days. If that pattern holds, I’ll probably have symptoms for a couple more days. At least over the weekend, I was able to assign myself a task that let me sit down, mostly away from people for most of the day, so I could distance myself.
Tomorrow I’ll probably be busier. So I need to capitalize on this day off to heal as much as I can.
But try convincing my brain of this fact.
Does anyone else deal with this? The constant need to feel productive and the weird sense of guilt that comes with relaxing at home? Living under late-stage capitalism really has us feeling like living our lives outside of work is somehow immoral.
I have to keep reminding myself that I’m not a machine, and rest is necessary. I can’t have my nose to the grindstone at all times; that’s not healthy for anybody.
This need to be working and earning constantly is an aspect of North American culture that’s shared across both Canada and the U.S. I’m sure it pops up in other North American countries, too, but I’m not as familiar with them, so I can’t comment.
With us, it’s some kind of odd sense that working hard is tied to morality and self-worth. Those of us who work multiple jobs or have side hustles, show up to work even when feeling gross and cover extra shifts get praised for our strong work ethic.
We’re praised for being good, hard-working folks who are doing our part to contribute to society.
I’ve never liked that. It implies that people who can’t work, for whatever reason, are somehow less moral.
What, if you have a disability that makes it impossible to work most jobs, you’re less valuable as a human being? You’re somehow immoral, degenerate or less important to society?
In the minds of many people, yes. And that’s fucked up.
I was raised in this culture. So, forcing myself to rest runs counter to what I was raised with. It’s a pattern that I am forcibly trying to break myself out of. A cycle of abuse perpetuated on all of us that we should not be tolerating at this point.
Am I alone in feeling this way? Do any of you feel the same weird guilt and discomfort at being restful and unproductive? Let me know. And, if not, let me know how you got there!
I think the rest of us could use some tips.
Solidarity wins.